When I’m alone at the beach I’m less lonely.

Life is hardI live in Paradise. Not ‘THE’ paradise but ‘A’ paradise. My street is called Eden Avenue for God’s sake!

Depression and alcoholism are strange bedfellows because if you can manage to fix one it is almost expected that the other issue is remedied too. This has not been my experience. Despite living in paradise and not drinking for eight years, the depression which at one time seemed linked to the amount of self-abuse has not completely died. It seems the longer it’s been since my last beverage the longer the tunnel gets; not always, just sometimes. When I’m happy with my life and the desire for things and people and places is diminished, that is, I’m content, you would think that the urge to drink would be gone but this is not always the case. In fact, a lot of my friends in sobriety state that relapse in most imminent when the guard is down and ‘things’ are going well. This has been my experience.

Now, I am not saying that loneliness and depression are akin. I do associate however, that when I’m depressed I seek something and that something is often someone else to make me feel good. Actually, something to make me feel good and someone to make me feel good or being somewhere else that makes me feel good is what I seek. In saying that it seems clear that the ‘other’ is what I want to make me feel ‘other than’ what I’m feeling. I believe now, that the acquiring things that I desire that make me feel better, and the actual solution to my depression couldn’t be further divorced.

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